Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
