wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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