the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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