I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
