fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize