its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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