I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
