I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
