The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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