i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
