In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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