My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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