i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
