What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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