fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
