South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
