i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
