My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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