i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
