My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
