Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I looked at my own cervix.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
