Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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