Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
