cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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