Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
