So drunk its hurt
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
