It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
