Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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