I haven't been this sober since birth.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
