please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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