I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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