did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
