My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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