Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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