her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
