I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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