I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Nobody cheats on THIS.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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