I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
