My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
