So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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