Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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