there was a trapeze. enough said
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
