i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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