don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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