It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
