6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
