I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
