She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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