I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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