I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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