I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
