well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This toilet bowl is my home.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
