I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
