there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
