one two three fourrrrnication!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
