so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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