I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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