I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
