I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
