she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
