It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
