Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
