Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
