Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
