You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
