After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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