is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
